by Ivan Rivers

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released March 1, 2017

The Confidante Band:
Ivan Rivers, #jillside, Andrew Patten, Sarah Davigno
ft. Aaron Goldstein on tracks 3 and 5

Produced by Andrew Patten.
Recorded Winter of '16 at Brucefeels Manor in Brucefield, ON.
Mastered Summer of '16 by Jack Shirley at The Atomic Garden in San Francisco, CA.



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Ivan Rivers Bluewater, Ontario


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Track Name: Certain Soul
Crawled out of the cave
Grass between the webbing
Dressed up as a cloud
At my next door neighbour's wedding

Sat on top a haystack
And breathed your essence in
Blew some bubbles at the bride and groom
And left again

It was an ashen season, I was under dust
That I mistook as light
Found a beauty in the open earth
That haunted me at night

Scared some chums and some dearer ones
Kept some cretins close
Drew the curtains in a stranger's house
Hid out without clothes

Thought that heaven was a state of a mind
Thought I had the key
Thought I was ruler in an unruled world
Thought I was angel free

Thought I was a medium
Thought I trotted being's line
Thought that God and I were one
Thought I was sublime

Well it takes a certain soul
To lose complete control
Swallow madness whole
Track Name: Ancient Grains
It's all heaven hot and idle
Cat calls and labour pains
Some memory survival
Flax seed and ancient grains

West of anywhere that I know
Pulse beating on the brain
Left my highness, how delightful
Passing on the outer lane

Was I blessed in lucky taverns
Or was I carrying a scent
Was I prince of vice and virtue
Or was I making my descent

Bless the ground that I curl up on
The sidewalk cracks and bends
And all the shoulders where my arms slung
Helped my soul and body mend

duh duh duh

Well they pitched a heavy hitter
And I struck out in the stars
My tell was overwhelming
But I still kept close my cards

I hung with the queen of mercy
And we hopped among the bars
Until I ripped my jeans wide open
And let world in on my scars

I don't relish private moments
I'll cast my bruises under light
I don't wake up in the morning
I just fall out in the night

And if you love me keep me quiet
'Cause what I say and do ain't right
But I'll still muster through the madness
Like the glowing moon ain't bright

duh duh duh

I thought I was the patron saint
Of lost things
But I was on the losing side of luck
And It cost things
Like the fringes of my sanity
And oh Christ, the humanity
What I loved and what I did believe
Got out of sight, dumbfounded me
And I stumbled out the kitchen door
With a book of poems, archaic lore
And found what I was searching for
Was nothing
I'm a lost thing

duh duh duh
Track Name: Human Touch
I've lost that human touch
The buzz that separates us from the animals and bugs
I used to know what it was
But I've slipped into a valley that is void of joy and love

Have I peaked
Or am I peaking
What happiness
Am I still seeking
What selfish fools
We are at heart
When we deny
And say we are apart
Or above of anything at all

I've lost that human touch
The pleasure, the elation, the ecstasy of much
Gone are those gleeful parts
My once so earnest smile, my ever mirthful heart

There is no joy
There is no sorrow
Just tryna make it
'Til tomorrow
What selfish fools
We are at heart
When we deny
And say we are apart
Or above of anything at all

I've lost that human touch
I hope to God I get it back, fingers forever crossed
'Cause I miss feeling things
The good the bad the ugly parts, the feeling feelings bring

'Cause I have lost
And now I'm losing
But it's no choice
That I am choosing
What a selfish fool
I was at heart
To hide from life
And say I am apart
Or above of anything at all

Come back that human touch
Come back that human touch
Track Name: Confidante
Gimme that sound
Of a good night winding down
A half-past midnight crowd
When the morning starts to bend

Paint me that scene
Where spilled drinks shine and gleam
Our soft hearts sparkle beams
Our utterances blend

Confidant could you kiss my cheek
Remind me who I used to be
And who we dreamed we could be

I've been here before
Took my shoes off at the door
Admired the decor
Threw my jacket on the bed

Shook all the strangers' hands
Laughed at jokes I didn't understand
Swapped sad songs and future plans
Unravelling a thread

Confidante show me your balcony
Remind me who I used to be
And who we dreamed we could be

Gimme that sound
Of a good night winding down
An unfolding pull-out couch
Sleeping in my jeans

Wake me when you rise
Shake me out, unlatch my eyes
Walk to the window, peer outside
Feel the morning breeze

Confidant, could you brew some tea
Remind me who I used to be
And who we dreamed we could be
Track Name: Was It You I Left Behind?
Was it you I left behind?
I guess I didn't think you'd mind
'Cause if I was in your shoes
If I was playin' you
I think that I'd be fine

If I lost me I'd be alright
And that ain't meant to be a slight
It's just that I cannot imagine
How you see me as a good man
How you cast me in such light

'Cause you and I both know I let you down
But I look back and you're still around

Was it you I left behind?

Was it you still holding on
After I said my love had gone?
I thought I was meant to be
Footloose and fancy free
I thought I was movin' on

I didn't know it at the time
But baby, I had lost my mind
And when those memories flash back
It comes on like an attack
And it sends shivers down my spine

And it tears my soul apart
That you left a little room for me in the corners of your heart

Was it you I left behind?

Was it you I left behind?
And does it bother you sometimes?
Does it move you in some place
When you gaze upon my face
Or when you stare into my eyes?

Well, I guess you must be sure
That you can put aside your hurt
I'm not proud of who I am
But if you want me as your man
I guess I'll take you at your word

And I suppose our love can persevere
If after all is said and done and you're still here

Was it you I left behind?